Nostradamus Strikes Again

Time for some distraction from the snow and wind outside (not to mention the sub-zero temperatures). I.e. it is time once more for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Challenge. This week’s topics:

1.) Describe what you would change about yourself if you could.
2.) Book Review! What children’s book do you hate reading to your child?
(inspired by E. from Mommy’s Still Fabulous)

3.) What do you predict will happen this decade? (You can be funny or serious if you like).
(inspired by Christopher from CaJoh)

4.) Choose the 7th picture you took from last January and write a poem.
5.) Write about a heated argument you had with your parents (real or fictitious).
(inspired by Writer’s Digest)

Hi ho and away we go.

#1 – There are a lot of things about me I would like to change. Unfortunately most of them are things that there is no realistic way to change and if I iterated them all, this post could reach epic lengths. So I will limit myself to a few day to day nits.

  • My hair to return or go away entirely.
  • My hair to finally just be all gray or return to black. Trying to “style” half a head of 95% gray hair isn’t easy.
  • To stop aching. All the broken bones and stretched ligaments of a lifetime make me an acute weather predictor. If the left shoulder hurts, it is going to storm. If the right hand hurts, it will be cold. If the feet throb like mad it is going to be clear. And the worst thing is that I can still remember when nothing hurt and weather was a thing to watch and not predict.
  • To return to the flexible strength of my twenties.
  • And of course if we can ask for anything, I’d love to be handsome, lantern jawed, with abs of steel, have perfect eyesight, have an awesome super power or two, and rule the world in my spare time. {*grin*}

#2 – I need to modify this one a bit to say which book I *hated* to read. Given it has been more than a decade since reading to the Son, some of the pain is beginning to fade. {*grin*}

When I was a kid, my favorite book was Digger Dan. Of course it re-surfaced (thanks mom) to read to the Son. Somehow the prose lost much appeal over the interleaving 30+ years and the happy ending became less of a surprise. So Digger Dan is one selection.

The other book is actually any one of the Richard Scarry books, especially Busytown. Not only the interminable reading packed with alliteration, there was also the computer game that could drive one close to distraction with its continuous verbalization. Admittedly they are all great books and were loved by the Son, just a bit repetitive for me. Not only that, but the books were all complex enough that the Son wanted them read to him night after night and then to read them aloud still more times as he learned to read.

#3 – Things I predict will happen this decade:

Technology:

  • The smartphone hardware market will consolidate.
  • The number of smartphone operating systems will shrink to 3 – iPhone, Android, and probably RIM.
  • Microsoft will buy one of the other smartphone OSs (like Palm) and so badly bungle the subsequent marketing effort that the OS will die.
  • Hard copy books will disappear in favor of eBooks of various forms.

and finally, I’ll go a little farther out on the limb with

  • Home PCs will disappear in favor of an interface unit that connects via the net to a cloud of computing resources and storage.

Personal:

  • I will lose more hair.
  • My hair will finally turn completely gray.
  • My joints will ache more.
  • Getting up in the morning will become more of a task.
  • I will continue to be amazed at the important things youngsters don’t know how to do.

#4 – I took no pictures last January, so I have nothing to show nor exposit upon.

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.Buddha

#5 – The topic inspires me not. Instead I’ll put forth an old chesnut and see if it tickles your brain.

A mother make tasty toast in a small pan. After toasting one side of a slice, she turns it over. Each side takes 30 seconds. The pan can only hold 2 slices. How can she toast both sides of three slices in 90 seconds?

The answer is in the first comment.

Rant, Rave, Odd, Insane

Rant of the Day:
Tonight was the webinar from hell. 3.5 hours of insipid instruction that could have been better completed in 30 minutes of reading. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised – every class I’ve ever taken for non-technical certification has been similar. But they could have at least scheduled it for normal work hours and turned off the tattle-tale that flashes alerts to the instructor any time any one moves their mouse out of the webinar window. As if that is going to make someone stay awake. {*grin*}

Rave of the Day:
Google Voice. It made it trivial to connect several phones to the webinar stream. Although I am certainly not a power user of Google Voice, I’d highly recommend that you get it.

Odd Person of the Day:
The cable TV repairman wondering down the alley while staring up at the wires as he walked. He was rather embarrassed when he walked right into the dumpster I was emptying garbage into. The expression on his face as he mumbled “uh high” and then headed back the other way up the alley was priceless. I recognized him, but didn’t want to embarrass him further by saying “Hi Dave”, so I just went back to the gate and into the house.

Insane Moment of the Day:
This morning in the midst of a very vivid dream. Especially since the dream featured a group of pygmies that had formed a company to market the world’s best rib sauce. And I was buried under a mass of pygmies who were all chanting

Bar Be Que
Bar Be Que
We Eat You!

And then I woke up.

Odd Happenings

This afternoon as I walked through the kitchen, I noticed that the answering machine was flashing that there was a message. Being the good little robot that I am, I veered over to the machine to give a listen. When I pressed the play button there was a period of noise followed by a rather shaky rendition of “…have you talked to your mother today…”. The call ended with some additional noise, leading me to think that I had been butt dialed by a octogenarian.

I almost deleted the message, but there was something familiar about the voice. So I checked the caller ID and sure enough it was mom’s friend Ruth (who does indeed happen to be in her 90’s).

I did the logical thing and called mom to see if she knew what was happening. (I was planning to call her cell phone next and then head over to her house if I still hadn’t reached her.) Mom’s first words after hello were “so you got a call from Ruth too?” Turns out that Ruth had called just about everyone out of concern for mom this morning when mom’s phone busied out off-hook and Ruth couldn’t reach her.

After we got that all straightened out, mom was laughing at what had happened. She had a call this morning and the caller had wanted a recipe. So mom set down the phone she had answered and grabbed another phone to discuss the recipe (I suspect after she found it.). After completing the call, she hung up the phone in hand, but forgot to hang up the other phone. So her phone line rang busy off-hook and Ruth could not get mom on the phone, thus triggering the string of calls, including the one I received.

It’s good that mom has dedicated and concerned friends like Ruth. But I do hope that in the future she’ll call me on my office line – that way she might get me immediately rather than the answering machine and me at some indefinite time in the future.  And it would be nice if said something like “This is Ruth.” when she gets the answering machine. {*grin*}

Emotional Impact

Now that 2010 is alive and kicking, I was all set with tons of blog topics. But, I made the mistake of reading the stack of incoming in my Google reader and came across a thought provoking factoid that drove me to write this post. So the other 10,000 topics will just have to wait.

Scientific American ran a short article today entitled “Computers Can’t Show You the Monet” that collected many of the random ideas circulating through my mind into one coherent stream. It in turn is a summary of an article in the journal Computers & Graphics. In the study, non-art-expert humans and computers tried to place 275 paintings into 11 artistic periods. The computers looked a brush patterns, colors, the way the patterns were laid down on the canvas, just about any quantifiable quality of the paintings. The net result – humans did immensely better than the computers.

This result is interesting to me because one might assume that with sufficient time and training, a heuristic programming approach would become proficient in sorting the art. But there is also a nagging suspicion that a fundamental underlying difference that may pose an insurmountable hurdle to objective machine classification: humans classify by emotional reaction.

The article concluded with a wonderful summary:

Computer algorithms judged the art by obvious and quantifiable parameters, such as the way the paint was laid on the canvas, or the color composition. But humans classified art based on complex psychological evaluation. We ask questions such as, who is in the image? And, what emotions are being portrayed in the scene? This kind of analysis is crucial for correctly identifying art—because even non-expert people were right two thirds of the time, far better than their computer competitors. And that makes sense: ultimately, art is about our emotional reaction to a Starry Night or a Girl With A Pearl Earring. But to a computer it’s all just brushstrokes.

So what are your thoughts?

Challenge For A New Year

Life is returning to normal after two funerals and L’s return to the mountains for business, just in time for this year’s final Writer’s Challenge from Mama Kat. This weeks topics include:

1.) Your pet wants to guest post on your blog.
(inspired by Matthew at Child’s Play x2)

2.) You wake up one day with an unusual super power that seems pretty worthless—until you are caught in a situation that requires that specific “talent.”
(inspired by Writer’s Digest)

3.) Write about a speech you gave at a wedding.

4.) Write a letter to someone you received poor customer service from.
(inspired by Lynsey from Sassy & Southern)

5.) This time I really MEAN it! It’s time to list your New Year’s resolutions for 2010.
(inspired by Margaret from Nanny Goats In Panties)

 So without further delay, let’s see what comes out!

#1 – (Molly the dog here filling in for my master)

What is the problem you have understanding my requests for chewies? I know you can interpret my look as I gaze adoringly at you, eyes large and irresistable as the sun goes down. I know you know what I want. Especially since you oft times tell me “Not now.” or “Too early.”

I have to tell you that it is never too early for the wonderful taste of a chicken infused rawhide chewie. Have I ever refused one? Heck, even when I haven’t ventured forth from my bed all day, I still eagerly hop and jump at the sound of the magical words “Want a chewie?” It is always time for a chewie. So how can you even attempt to tell me it isn’t? How can you? Huh? Huh? What?

Sorry, I lost my train of thought there. My master just asked me if I wanted a chewie. Now what were we talking about?

#2 – I can remember as I grew into the strength of my power. It seemed so useless. Who really wanted to be blessed with the ability to forget anyone’s name within seconds of hearing it. I might have known you for forty years, but the second anyone asked me your name, all there was was a complete blank. I became an expert at bestowing nicknames just because I couldn’t remember names. Thus my life was filled with stinky and shorty and goofy and … precisely because I could not remember anyone’s name.

But then one foggy night, my worthless super-power came to the fore. It began when Santa came asking for help on his delivery route. I was put in charge of the “naughty, not nice” list. It seemed to be a real mistake by the jolly man in red, but I was prepared to do my best. The way the list worked was simple – if the list holder read your name on the list, they then knew you and your name. If they knew your name, you had been naughty and got a lump of coal or less.

It was clear that Christmas Eve might be a bit different with me in charge of the bad list. Every person I saw was a complete blank as to name. I could have known them all my life, but when I saw them I drew a complete blank, even after reading the list. And unfortunately, Santa used a very poor phraseology to ask if the person was on the bad list: “Do you know this person?”

It led to some odd gifting choices. Even axe murderers on death row got presents. Heck, even dogmatic partisan politicians were gifted. So if you got more and better gifts than you deserved when you opened packages on Christmas morning, it is because I didn’t know your name. So I inadvertently made the day using my super-power. After all, since everyone, be they naughty or nice, got presents form Santa, the main cause of sibling rivalry was eliminated. Billions of parents enjoyed a peaceful day without the constant squables of the kids claiming one another got more or better gifts. And at least one axe murderer vowed to restict his work to Thanksgiving turkeys in the future! (Sorry, partisan politicians are just plain unredeemable.)

#3 – I have never given a speech at a wedding, so this one is going to get a skip.

#4 – Here it is (from this post)

Dear Ms. Salesperson:

I appreciated your cheerful insistence on talking to me today with that “important news” about better online storage strategies, but I did not care for the way you ignored my protestations of “Not interested!” and “Goodbye!” I especially did not care for the fact that you felt compelled to call me back after I pointedly hung up the telephone. It would seem that me telling you that I am not interested should be enough for you to cease and desist. Since it wasn’t and you called to interrupt me yet again, I am taking the time to write you this letter.

Because of your ill-mannered and ill-considered actions, I will never consider the purchase of any product from you or XYZ, Inc. The lack of consideration for purchase will also extend to any of my clients who seek my opinion on the products of XYZ, Inc.

I hope you will share this letter with your supervisor and the president of XYZ, Inc. I have taken the liberty of assisting you in sharing by sending them a copy of this letter for their files under separate cover.

Sincerely,


My Real Name

#5 – I don’t normally do New Year’s Resolutions, but just for you I herewith present my 2010 Resolutions:

  • I resolve to worry less and enjoy life more.
  • I resolve to treat others with the respect they show me.
  • I resolve to talk to Molly the dog more.
  • I resolve to stop and smell the roses.
  • I resolve to learn as many new things as I can.
  • I resolve to conquer a fear – maybe nude skydiving?
  • I resolve to become more organized.

Things Done Right