Category Archives: loony

The Drunks Only Come Out On Friday

I swear that this must be a full moon time. The loonies were out in force today. And my original post for this evening was eaten by Blogger, leaving no trace. All I need now is a drunken phone call at 3am to make the day complete.

The day began with an assortment of odd people calling. Most were of the sane to moderately loony ilk, but one definitely made it to full on loony status. With just one call. Mr. X, as he shall be known for now, made it to the loony hit parade. No getting to the point of the call with Mr. X. He suffered from verbal diarrhea in the worst form. After about fifteen minutes, he finally came to the first “point” of his call. He had “heard” something on the radio in Denver and thought is was a great idea and why weren’t we damn well doing it. So after some more meandering, he final came out with what he had “heard”. He “heard” that Denver was forcing all those who applied for welfare benefits to work fixing the city streets. That immediately raised the bullshit detector to high alert since: 1) cities in general have nothing to do with welfare programs and 2) the insurance premiums for having unqualified people working in and around heavy equipment would be prohibitive. When queried, well, he hadn’t actually “heard” it on the radio, it was at a bar. Things were beginning to become clear. Mr. X was inebriated and getting more so (at 10am no less). When it became clear that the welfare plan wasn’t going to fly, Mr. X changed tactic and wanted to know if he could get a ride. I told him I had a meeting to attend, but he might want to call xxx-yyyy (the local police department number) and they might indeed give him a ride. I hope he enjoyed talking to them. If he is typical of the few serious drunks around here, the police already know him, where he lives, and how long he needs to be held to sober up.

Mr. X reminded me of a gentleman I first met shortly after becoming Mayor. One fall Friday when it was nice but with a brisk breeze, I am walking around the park when a gentleman seated on a park bench yells at me (and anyone passing by) to please hand him the bottle of whiskey by his feet. By the next lap around, there is one empty on the ground and he is still asking for someone to hand him his full bottle sitting at his feet. One more lap and he is turning belligerent, screaming at anyone who passes. It is also clear that he is so drunk that he cannot stand up and make the two step journey to his full bottle.  I called the police and told them about the situation (he was too drunk to even reach down and get the other bottle by his feet and was turning belligerent towards those using the park). Even if he hadn’t been belligerent, I would still have called the police since the temperature had dropped 30 degrees in the last hour and he would soon be in danger of hypothermia because he had no coat. The police arrived and immediately knew the gentleman. He was a highly decorated Korean war veteran who would go off the deep end drinking about every three weeks, The rest of the time he was a nice and upstanding guy. So the drug and DUI test officer talked to him for a bit. He was told he could either be taken to the hospital so his BAC could be monitored or he could be taken to the holding tank where someone would have an eye on him. In no case would he be taken home and in no case would he get his other bottle of whiskey. After several attempts when it became apparent that he could not get up, a couple of the officers helped him over to the car for the journey to the tank. That in my mind is one of the great things about a small town. The officers knew the gentleman, knew what needed to be done, did it, *and* treated the gentleman with respect.

Most of the other things today concerned matters that I am not at liberty to talk about. Lets just say it was a day of strange meetings and even stranger conversations.

Late this afternoon, I went to the open house and grand opening of the new Adult Education and Family Literacy Center at the local community college. The program has grown over the years and is now in a new facility (new to them). The program teaches GED and ESL courses. I was surprised to learn of the size of the GED program. They currently have ~100 GED students and ~20 ESL students.  One of the things that sets the program apart is that they have a child care nursery in the building so that young mothers and fathers can bring the kids to a safe and fun place while they are in class. Studies had shown that the number one impediment to young single mothers and families pursing a GED was child care (in many cases it was the pregnancy and birth of the child that had caused  the truncation of their education). This way the problem is addressed and the education happens.

Well, I’ve got a funeral to attend in the morning. Goodnight for now.

Friday and Loonies

Fridays seem to have a feel all their own. It makes no difference what the season of the year, Fridays have a certain sense of dreariness all their own.

I always suspect that it is because Friday is the day we get the agenda set for the next weeks city council meeting. That is so that it can go out to the council via the police force Friday night / Saturday. That way everyone has a chance to read any and all background information in the packet, consider the item coming up for consideration, and hopefully act as a more informed representative. Some weeks the agenda is easy to put together, other weeks it can be challenging, and still other weeks it is battle to pare it down to what is timely.

Friday is also the day that is usually used for meetings concerning miscellaneous topics. For example today I had meetings concerning economic development, land development, water issues, and state government relations. Sometimes interesting, sometimes a waste of time. And of course, no Friday would be complete without what I call the Friday loonies.

The Friday loonies are the people that have put off calling, on any and every topic, until Friday afternoon. They suddenly go loony and realize they need to call *NOW* to get that 4 hour job done today. And of course they want whatever it is to be fixed/changed/removed/replaced in the next hour. They always wait until an hour before the normal city labor force goes home and then call to request the solution be implemented immediately. I’m growing old and cynical now in my 5th year as mayor. I now ask when they first noticed the problem. An amazing number of callers spotted the problem a week ago, but now need it fixed in the next hour. Amazing.

Oh well. There is always the entertainment value. One of my favorite loonies was Mr. X.

I remember when I first became mayor. I had one true loony that called on the last Monday of the month, regular as clockwork, to ask when I was going to stop the flying saucers from buzzing his house, He wasn’t talking about a child’s toy either. He believed in full fledged UFOs buzzing his house. After several months of this odd pattern I finally talked to the local mental health clinic to see if the symptoms rang a bell with them.

The first words out of the director’s mouth were “Oh, that must be Mr X!  His health benefit always runs out the last week of the month and so he goes off his drugs for the week.”  He then went on to assure me that Mr. X was not violent, just suffered from this particular form of Xenophobia when off his medicine.

Relieved that it wasn’t a violent loony, I came to expect and even enjoy the calls. After about a year, he finally called one night (he always called at about 11pm) and caught me in the wrong mood. So when he started in, I asked him if he had tried the aluminum foil hat since I had heard that aliens were afraid of people with aluminum foil hats. Stunned silence from him. Then a quick goodbye as he rushed off to try it. I spent weeks waiting before each council meeting to see if a man in an aluminum foil hat would be sitting in the audience.

Mr. X continued to call for another 6 months and then suddenly stopped. That concerned me – was he hurt or injured and needing help or … I talked to mental health people to see if there was some way for them to check up on him (I never did know him by any name other then Mr. X). The director got this funny look on his face and then said he thought he could explain the absence of calls. Turned out that Mr. X had finally become eligible for a new program that covered his drugs all month long and so didn’t run out in the last week of the month. Pretty good evidence for the efficacy of the treatment, at least to my mind.

Well, off to the excitement of bed. (No more loonies to keep me amused.) (Larry, see what fun you have in store when you become mayor?)