Time once more for

• The wonderful fragrance of the lilac bush in the back yard. In spite of the fact that the wind blew at a steady 30 mph most of the day, the backyard remained fragrant as I mowed the lawn.

• The tiny white flowers on the bush of unknown origins in the from yard. As I mowed the lawn this evening, I was captivated by the delicate features of each tiny bloom each time I passed the bush.

• The purple and white wild flowers that are blooming beneath the pine trees. They take the brown barrenness of the needle beds beneath the trees and turn them into colorful abstract paintings.

• The wonder of coincidence. Today as I walked out of a business meeting, showing one of the attendees a sculpture by a well known local artist, I ran into the local college president and one of the town benefactors. So I got a chance to visit with both entirely by chance.

• The support of friends and well wishers. My phone has been ringing off the hook with people congradulating me on my innocence and standing up for what is right in the face of threats. Makes the pain of the whole process a bit easier to handle. (Read about it here.)

(I thought about doing my five in photos, but by the time I finished mowing and cleaning up, the light was too far gone. Maybe next week.)

Time once more for Fiday High Five hosted by Angela:

• The bored one. This is the person who is bored to tears by your very appearance before them. It doesn’t matter that they were the one who invited you to speak and suggested the topic, it is still clear they would rather be anywhere other than listening to you. You have to be careful though, because sometimes it is these sufferers of ennui that ask the sharpest questions.

• The perpetual yakker. They were talking before you started talking and they will still be talking long after you are finished. The joke telling variant of the yakker is the worst because they have those around them laughing at their jokes as you speak of serious matters. The worst part is that you’d dearly love to hear a good joke as well.

• The overly attentive listener. They nod and mouth yes and no to every point and sentence you utter. If they were dogs, they’d be slobbering on your shoes and laying their heads in your lap. Unfortunately, they exhibit just about as much comprehension of the topic of your speech as your dog does.

• The overly amorous couple. If the audience has a median age below 55, you can count on the show given by this pair. It can leave one with a mixed mind. On the one hand, there is a strong temptation to just shout “Get a room!”, but that is probably a holdover from high school. Other times you’re sure that a small camera and contacts with the right web site could insure your income for the next year or more.

• The buffet nabber. This is the person that waits until you start to talk to make repeated passes back through the buffet. Given the amount of food that they carry back to their table during the course of your speech, you wonder why they don’t weight 400 lbs. Then you wonder if they have the plastic lined purse and are stocking up for the week.

So what kind of odd people do you see when you speak before crowds. If you don’t speak (and I have to ask why not), then what about the odd people sitting around you in the audience?

Time for Friday High Five hosted by Angela

 

• The rather confused gentleman who, when I answered,  introduced himself and then wanted to know if I desired to purchase his nearly new snow blower. Once I got over the utter confusion of why a stranger was calling me to peddle a snow blower on an 89 degree day, the story quickly came out – he knew I shoveled by hand and so he thought I might be the one to buy his beloved snow blower since he was moving to Florida. I had to tell him that I shovel for the exercise, so no I didn’t need hos snow blower.

• The unknown lady who purse dialed me not once, but three times this week. Listening to her attempt to discipline her children might have been interesting, but the episode of kissy face with Mr. Unknown was a bit too much. I am tempted to call her cell and make a rude comment, but ….

• The mechanical voice that sounded like a 1940’s movie robot. Once I finally had time to listen to the call all the way through, it was from the Association for Computing Machinery (ACM) reminding me that they had special renewal offers for early renewal this year.

• The gentleman who called me and wanted to know if the city might not want to buy or have him buy the regional medical center. He was convinced that the current system would sell it to him cheap and that we (the city) could make a mint owning and running the hospital.The county finally got rid of the hospital in the 1980’s because it was such a money pit. Current conditions are no better, so I don’t think we want to do it. The problem is that the gentleman in question could very well shell out a few $million$ from pocket change and then give us the hospital. So I had to spend some time convincing him not to do anything rash.

• The Spanish speaking senorita who called for three straight evenings at precisely 9pm and refused to believe me when I tried to explain the there was no one named Jose at this number. Evidentially Jose gave this number to the senorita and she desperately wants to talk to him. Wonder what the back story is there?
  

Without further ado I give you:

I have never starred in a porno movie. As a teenage male this was number one on my hit parade of fantasies. Somehow, it just never happened. Now, all these years later, I look askance at the whole idea. {*grin*} I did once have a porno starlet smile at me at a party, but I think that was just because she was under the influence of drugs and alcohol and was smiling at everything, including the potted plant she later became intimately acquainted with. Oh well.

I have never been arrested sans clothing outside a bar. In fact, I have never been arrested, period. (As regular readers know, that is my standard tweak to the local press as to how I will let them know I am tired of being mayor. {*grin*})

I have never yodeled the Gettysburg Address in the Swiss Alps. Heck, I’ve never even yodeled in the shower.

 

I have never ridden a pig bareback. For that matter, I have never ridden a pig with a saddle or tack. Going out on a limb, I doubt I will be riding a horse anytime in the future either (especially given it has been 40+ years since the last horse ride on my part)

I have never taken a art class featuring “anatomical studies”. I did have a Nobel prize winning professor who used to go to topless bars to draw on his lunch hour. As he put it – “No one will ever admit to having seen me here and I can draw without interruption.There’s no other place near campus where that is a true statement.”

So that’s my five for this week – what are your five?