Category Archives: funeral

friends, funeral, weather

I’m Back

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I got back from playing corporate spouse last night. More on that later.

Just before I left, I learned of the death of my life long friend G’s mother. (G was my wing man when I first went out with L and one of the groomsmen in our wedding, amidst other things.) Since G and I have been friends since 4th grade almost 45 years ago, it also meant that I spent a lot of time at his house and around his mom as we grew up. In any case, her funeral was this morning and I got back in time to attend and then spend time with G and family.

The service was interesting because, rather than the usual sorrow and loss, there was a great sense of relief that Shirley (G’s mom) had passed on to better things. She suffered from aggressive Alzheimer’s and had reached the point where she no longer even remembered how to feed herself. As G’s sister, who had cared for Shirley at her home for the last several years said, “I lost my mother years ago, I just followed my nurse’s training and took care a body that reminded me of her.” So it was a bittersweet affair. We all had memories of the person who was Shirley, but had already gone through the loss of that person.

The burial was at one of the local rural cemeteries.  Of course it was already 95 degrees and the sun was blazing on the treeless prairie around the cemetery at the time. Then there was a lunch at the Masonic Lodge for family and friends. (Shirley was a 50 year member of Eastern Star.) It was there that I got a chance to do some visiting up with G. On top of the death of his mother, tomorrow he finds out if he still has a job. He is an engineer on the NASA booster project that has been used as a political football of recent months. Think positive thoughts for him.

Good night for now.

dentist, funeral, tooth

Return of the Tooth and Other Oddities

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Today was supposed to be the day I went to the dentist about my broken tooth as described here and here . Unfortunately, it was not to be since I had to attend a funeral instead. So now the dental visit is set for next week. One nice thing about a small community – they understand when you have to re-schedule for such events.

Attending funerals is not one of my favorite activities. I understand on an intellectual level how important the rite is for the grieving and recovery process. But that doesn’t mean I like it on an emotional level. In preference to most formal funerals, I would much rather see a moment of silent remembrance of the times we shared. When I die, I want my funeral to be a celebration, a party in honor of the good times we have shared together. No matter what your belief system, you can glory in the shared remembrances of good times past. So when I daydream and think about such things and plan my  prototype for a good last rite,  I have the following criteria:

  • Length – Keep it short, no more than 20 minutes of formal ceremony.
  • Music – Play the music I loved and we shared.
  • Remembrances – Remember the good times that we shared.
  • Afterwards – Have a party with food and conversation and music. Share the support and comradeship of those who were part of my journey.

With those things in mind,  I want the service music to be Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven and the Grateful Dead’s Truckin. I like love those songs and think they are a mighty fine send off. Besides, I once had a minister and golf partner (hello T.L.) who threatened to return just to make me listen to him play Stairway to Heaven on acoustic guitar. He temporarily dropped the threat when the rest of the foursome threatened to attend church and  sit in the front pew holding golf clubs just to see how long he could keep a straight face in the pulpit.

I know it won’t make one heck of a difference what I want. As my minister friend explained, funerals are for the living, not the dead. They are a rite designed to accelerate the grieving process and begin the healing process. A party in that circumstance looks a bit like avoidance. So call me an avoiding fool coward.
This post will probably be a test of your age. If you are below a certain 20/30 something age, you probably haven’t even thought about any of this.  If you are beyond a a certain 70/80 something age, you probably already have it planned down to the minute. And then there are the rest of us. Where do you sit/stand?